January 2012
6 posts
“If Galileo was alive today he would be in Tumblr.”
– FEOX
2 tags
American Boss
|-: Who died and made the US government boss?
(-: Better yet, who killed the guy that died and made the US government boss?
Provider
@starNthamakiN: If a dude can't bring you soup when your sick he's not a provider
@codeio: Don't forget he need to bring home the bacon too.
3 tags
“Her way of cleaning up ice off the floor is to let it melt and be absorbed by...”
– FEOX
“It takes two for a successful relationship, one to give the orders, one to take...”
– FEOX
Inception-based Alarm Clock
I had a dream that I had woken up at 10 AM and that I was last for work, I panicked and woke up from the dream but it was only 5 AM. Why couldn’t I had dreamt I had $10 million and woken up to only $5 million?
December 2011
9 posts
3 tags
Nothing in Common
She: These two teams are at the bottom of the league.
He: Yeah, ... I haven't followed any team.
She: See, we have nothing in common.
3 tags
Communication
Her: You never want to communicate.
Him: Communicating is boring.
“You complaining about him complaining, so who is complaining now?”
– FEOX
“She is too much of a perfectionist but far from perfect.”
– FEOX
3 tags
Christmas for Atheists
@zachbraff: Dear Atheist friends, Happy Nothing.
@icekinga18: I celebrate Christmas, but I'm atheist. I just don't celebrate Jesus's birth.
@techknow: LOL that's like saying "I drank the Kool-Aid, but I don't like Kool-Aid."
Sounds Like Great Advice
Dude…chill. I’m 31. I’m still younger than girls I slept with when I was 18. There’s nothing about this to be worried about.
- Josh Strike
3 tags
Gold Medal Fiancé Finalist
Her: Do you think you are a good fiancé?
Him: I didn't know there was an Olympic competition for the best fiancé.
4 tags
Dial Crazy
He: So I'll text you tomorrow.
She: No, don't text me, call me.
He: I thought you don't like to get calls in the middle of watching your show.
She: Yes, but I hate going back and forth texting during my show even more.
He: So no matter how I communicate with you, you'll be upset!
November 2011
15 posts
3 tags
Listen
She: I'm giving you a compliment for listening to me.
He: I don't think that is a compliment.
3 tags
Crazy Love
She: I just got my period... this explains a lot.
He: It doesn't explain why you're a crazy bitch.
Baby Baby
He: Baby, why you upset?
She: I'm not your baby.
He: Well, you are behaving like a baby so I ask you again. Baby, why are you upset?
3 tags
Vegetarian Beans
He: What kind of beans do you use?
She: We use vegetarian beans.
3 tags
“I’m going to use your love for me against you.”
– FEOXY
2 tags
Tumbler Keeps My Young
6 tags
Marriage Plus Mistresses
@aplusk: I will forever cherish the time I spent with Demi. Marriage is one of the most difficult things in the world and unfortunately sometimes they fail.
@lolprez: It's especially difficult and most often times fail when you bang 22 year old on chicks on your anniversary and in the home you share with your spouse.
3 tags
“Don’t be contented with being good, strive to being great.”
– FEOX
5 tags
I am Neil deGrasse Tyson Ask Me Anything
h3h: Can we inspire more kids to pursue space-related science and research? If so, how?
neiltyson: Kids are never the problem. They are born scientists. The problem is always the adults. The beat the curiosity out of the kids. They out-number kids. They vote. They wield resources. That's why my public focus is primarily adults.
5 tags
San Francisco Deserves Better
@LelandYee: Just got off the #SFmuni at Civic Center and found another broken escalator. #sf can do better than this. #SFMayor
@gotgov: So what did you do to fix the broken elevator? San Francisco deserves a doer not a complainer.
Marriage at the White Hose
Michelle: Barry, do you love me?
Barrack: Look, the top 1% of folks know my love has been the most transparent in history... And don't forget I have the order to kill Osama
3 tags
“Draw outside the lines, think outside the box, love outside your circle of...”
– FEOX
October 2011
22 posts
5 tags
Walk It Off
You are more likely to die due to medical error than a car accident. So if you are in a car accident, don’t go to the hospital, just walk it off.
When Life Gives You Bureaucracy
When life gives you lemons, apply for a business license and a lemonade stand permit and then if you have any money left make some lemonade.
Occupy Free Range
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the pigs fired upon the peaceful gathering of chicks with tear gas, rubber bullets, and flash grenades.
6 tags
What Flavor is Your Mobile Phone?
@headius: iOS apps aren't perfect, they're just a widely appealing vanilla. On Android, however, I can always choose another flavor.
@juixe: And how many people like pistachio orange cream?
“If you ask me those questions, you are asking me to lie.”
– FEOX
“That awkward moment when you realize she doesn’t make you happy.”
– FEOX
“White skin notwithstanding, this is our first black President. Blacker than any...”
– Toni Morrison
“It is better to sleep with one eye open that six feet under.”
– FEOX
“Space collapses between us.”
– FEOX
“People make mistakes, but you holding my mistakes over me is your biggest...”
– FEOX
“You are the inspiration, I’m the medium.”
– FEOX
“You are the sour milk that I am trying to find more recipes to cook with.”
– LSL
“Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution...”
– JFK
5 tags
“There’s a reason you separate military and the police. One fights the...”
– Commander William Adama, Battlestar Galactica
“By building one of the planet’s most successful companies from his garage, he...”
– President Barack Obama
